Why some things are better left unsaid
by Animegurl64
Summary: We discover another side of Lloyd. Strictly humor.


Animegurl64: okay guys, I'm kinda avoiding posting the last chapter of SilverFeather because I'm only halfway through writing the sequel. Also, this was way to good a plot bunny to pass up writing.

Shallan: and you haven't written a ToS one shot in awhile.

Animegurl64: That too.

Selene: Should I be frightened that you haven't given me a rough copy to edit?

Mr. Eck: No, we never get to edit her humour stories. You should know that by now.

Selene: True.

Animegurl64: Okay, ignoring the editors… This idea sprung from a conversation during Shallan's discovery of Zelos' gayness.

Mr. Eck: He didn't know Zelos was gay? I thought everyone knew that in the Japanese version, Zelos was gay. (Stupid American censurers/ translators)

Selene: I picked up on it my first time through the game.

Shallan: --U … Oh be quiet.

Animegurl64: Okay, quiet in the peanut gallery. Right like I was saying, I owe about half the contributions of humour to Shallan. No one is quite in character. Also, I'm bored, run for your sanity.

Shallan:--U

Animegurl64: Parting note… smart Lloyd…

Disclaimer: Don't own Tales of Symphonia, references to people dead or alive are purely accidental and I don't own any songs, products, bands, people, movies etc mentioned in this fic.

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It was a beautiful picturesque day in Tethe'alla, the sun was shining, the birds were singing songs of joy and happiness, children were laughing and playing in the streets, adults were grumbling about children laughing and playing the streets, Mithos was cursing all life in Derris-Kharlan and plotting the destruction of all those who opposed him and church goers passed dressed in gay abandon. All was quiet peaceful and right in the world. Currently the band of travelling friends was walking along a sunny forest path with only the world ahead of them and the wind in their hair. All was peaceful.

Time screeched to an abrupt halt.

Yeah. Right. Peaceful, with these guys?

Time resumed its normal flow.

Lloyd's head perked up. "Did time just screech to an abrupt halt and then resume its normal speed?"

Genis stared at him, "What are you on?"

"Sugar, why?"

"Never mind Lloyd, just never mind."

Colette popped up beside Genis, "Hey Lloyd, I was wondering…"

Fortunately she never finished that sentence.

"BUD!" came a high-pitched girly scream. Lloyd only had moments to prepare for the on slot. The red head came flying in stage left and grabbed him.

"…Hi Zelos." In his frenzy to engulf Lloyd in the Zelos-Super-Glomp-Of –Love version3.0, the chosen had managed to trample the other, slightly less appealing chosen. Colette currently had Zelos foot in her mouth.

"Mmpptht, pmmmph." She couldn't speak. Yay Zelos! WE shall give ten points for both silencing Colette without magic and possibly harming her. Zelos of course was to busy cuddling Lloyd to notice. Then, because of his slightly bi-polar disposition, he left and started trying to grope Sheena.

Raine, who had been watching the spectacle with interest, came to a startling conclusion.

'Oh My Goddess! Zelos is gay! He only hides behind his mindless womanizing because he is in denial. Oh a cookie!" Raine munched on the cookie she had been given by Regal,

'What he really wants is to have wild, passionate sex with Lloyd and live out his perverted fascinating fantasies. Oh, a brownie!'

Raine munched on the brownie she had been handed by Regal who was unsuccessfully trying to get her attention, "As hot as that would be, I cannot knowingly let my student be molested by Zelos, as he is far too innocent to give Zelos what he wants. Oh, a doughnut!'

Regal should really stop trying so hard, 'I must gently break this news to Lloyd.'

Raine strode up to Lloyd, leaving behind a saddened Regal who was still trying to win Raine over with food. Poor Regal. He just can't compete with Lloyd's natural sexiness.

Raine approached Lloyd, Genis and Sheena who had managed to somehow escape Zelos and decided to just put the matter bluntly.

"Hi Professor." Lloyd said happily.

"Lloyd, I have to speak with you regarding Zelos."

"Zelos? Okay, what is it?"

"Lloyd, this may come as a shock to you but Zelos is."

"Gay and attracted to me?" Lloyd interrupted.

Raine had a seizure and then had a heart attack. Then fell over dead. Genis and Sheena stared.

"Lloyd! You killed Raine!" screamed Genis.

"Yeah, now we actually have to spend money on healing items." Whined Sheena.

"Okay, okay. Hang on." Lloyd rummaged through his packs and pulled a Life bottle out. The he chucked it a Raine's head. Surprisingly, this actually resurrected her. That boy has killer aim. "Happy now?"

Raine stared vacantly "Wait, so you actually knew Zelos was gay?"

Lloyd nodded yes.

"And that he's attracted to you?"

Lloyd nodded yes.

"And that doesn't bother you at all?"

Lloyd nodded no.

Sheena stared, Raine was shocked speechless and Genis asked the question that was one everyone's minds.

"Okay, I'm probably going to regret asking this, but I know it's the question that's on everyone's minds." See? Told you so. "But why exactly does Zelos wanting to have wild, passionate sex with you not bother you?"

Lloyd thought for a moment.

"Cause… he's hot."

Time screeched to a halt…again.

"WHAT!" came the collective scream.

Time resumed its normal flow.

"I do wish time would stop doing that." Muttered Lloyd.

"Wait, wait, wait!" spluttered Sheena, "You think Zelos is hot?"

"…You're gonna argue that he isn't?"

"Well, I can't argue he isn't hot, but you shouldn't think he is!"

"Why? I think Kratos is hot."

Somewhere on Derris-Kharlan, Kratos sneezed. "Someone is talking about me. I must go on a quest to find out who!" He declared and kicked down the nearest door. Mithos paused in his plotting momentarily.

"Kratos…That's a linen closet."

"Right. I knew that."

"Just get out."

"…Fine." He left.

Back on Symphonia, the band of idiots was gaping at the newly discovered side of Lloyd.

"But Kratos betrayed us and is our enemy and is trying to kill us!"

"Yeah… but that doesn't stop him from being hot."

"True." Muttered Sheena. High above Tethe'alla, Kratos sneezed again.

"Also, Sheena is really hot. Zelos is right her chest is quite a turn on." Lloyd rambled. Sheena wasn't sure if she should slap him or be thankful he wasn't as dense as she thought.

Lloyd gained the title "**Lusty Fanboy!"**

Sheena gained the title "**Boobs with Girl Attached."**

The group stared at the appearance of the mysterious on screen text.

"You know," muttered Genis, "I've never quite understood why that keeps happening."

"Anyway," interrupted Lloyd, " As I was saying before I was interrupted. Genis is actually quite adorable and if I wouldn't be jailed for statutory rape and being a pedophile I'd probably have acted on my insane sexual urges a long time ago. Presea is also quite pretty in her quiet way, but I can't do anything for fear of jail time."

Genis looked like he was torn between being sick and being angry.

Presea stared vacantly.

Genis earned the title "**Scarred for Life."**

Presea earned the title "**Blow-up Doll."**

The group chose to ignore the second appearance of the mysterious on screen text.

Colette smiled and twitched evilly. "What about me Lloyd?"

"What about you?" Lloyd looked seriously disgusted, "Anyway, Regal's pretty handsome, but the bodybuilder muscles are a major turnoff for me." Regal looked extremely relieved. " The Professor is also quite beautiful and elegant. However she's my teacher so having sexual relations with her would result in unnecessary complications involving the legal authorities."

Raine had the decency to blush. Colette looked ready to go into a psychotic rage, "I said, what about me Lloyd?"

Lloyd looked her up and down, "Come talk to me when you hit puberty."

Regal gained the title "**German Bodybuilder"**

Raine gained the title "**Sexy Goddess of the Classroom"**

Colette gained the title "**Psychotic Stalker"**

"What is with the on screen text today?" asked Genis.

Colette looked ready to jump Lloyd, fortunately Kratos falling from the sky and landing on her kept her from doing so.

"Lloyd." He said in his deep sexy angsty voice.

"Kratos, we were just talking about you." Chimed Lloyd cheerfully.

"Really? I'm pleased," he said as he hugged Lloyd. The group shivered collectively.

Kratos gained the title "**Stacie's Mom"**

The group just had to stare at that one.

"But I'm male…and have a son." Muttered Kratos. Raine patted his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

"Hey guys," yelled Zelos, "What'd I miss?"

Zelos gained the title "**Lord of the Rainbow."**

Zelos clearly did not notice the on screen text as he was staring at Lloyd.

"BUD!" he cried as he glomped Lloyd for what was probably the sixth time that day. Complete with molestation. Lloyd just smiled.

"Hey Zelos," he said seductively, "let's go somewhere more… private."

"Huh, okay." Lloyd grabbed his hand and ran off. Kratos looked ready to fly off the handle. The rest of the group was completely white.

"That was…enlightening." Stuttered Raine. Everyone nodded in agreement.

Then a giant meteor crashed into the earth and killed them all.

Fin.

So guys, was it funny? Lets here some feedback.


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